Thursday, December 16, 2010
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
I don’t care anymore!
I scream in my head.
All I want is to be loved!
I want to be you’re friend, not you’re problem!
I do everything I can for you and still nothing!
I give up!
I’m sick of feeling all this pain.
Just leave me alone!
The tears start running down my face like a waterfall.
Will you ever understand the pain you cause me?
Running as fast as I can now.
I can’t look back it will only slow me down,
Just a little more.
Maybe if I go faster it will all melt away!
Tears still streaming down my face, hearts racing,
I can hardly breath.
I’ve been running so long, yet feel like I’ve been going nowhere.
Just a few more steps.
I start to slow,
I can’t go any more,
Finally I stop.
I bend over to catch my breath.
Gasping for air.
Suddenly everything goes black,
Complete silence falls all around me.
Hearts not pounding, not breathing heavy.
I open my eyes and realize, I’m still at home in my bed.
Nothing has changed.
Everything I’ve been running from is still here with me.
I take a deep breath,
Followed by a long sigh.
I close my eyes while rolling to my side knowing that when I wake in the morning nothing will be better. I still hope and pray as I slip into a deep sleep, dreading the morning wake up call that will come all to soon…
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Make sure you know what you want when you say to you're self.."I want next year to be a NEW BEGINNINGS for me!"...Cause boy from how my life has changed this year...I got just that!...
I love where I am at right now...Good and Bad! and I really think this is the first year in my life I can say that without lying to myself and the world!.
I really think it all started with the book (The Shack) too...I know it sounds odd but there was just something about it that made me look at everyone and really the world different! I know don't how to explain it better so I guess if you wanna know what I'm trying to say you'll just have to read it! :)
Oh and I know I've said it like 4 times now that I'm gonna start this whole blogging thing back up and I still plan on it just please have patience with me as I find time in my new life to start again :)
Well Thanks again as always for listening to me blab and till next time (but hopefully not as long a wait)..good-night everyone! :)
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
I hope you check it out...Target seems to have the cheapest prices and they also have coupons on their website for Special K stuff almost all the time!
Check it out and let me know what you think!
Good Luck all! :)
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Life has been crazy for me!
Summers seem to be the crazy time crunch to get everything in before winter hits and all the fun is over...That's what my schedule thinks anyway :/
So many things have happened this year I can hardly keep up...
My goal for this year was to be a New me, boy has that happened!
I got my first tattoo (can't wait to find out how to post pic on here so I can show you all),I started a diet (Special K & loving it so far),started to read another great Ted Dekker book (awesome book),started to book a couple trips for the next couple months (CO,NY,TX & more to come),planted my first couple flower bushes (never done a garden before),Working on getting another job on top of my Travel Biz (I wanna try something totally new,Not sure what yet),Got a really short hair cut,started to work out even more (hoping to some muscles),
Next couple goals:
Buy a bike/rollerblades
Buy more weights
Travel to Israel (again)
Get pics posted on blog (if I can ever learn how,HA)
Travel to Mexico with Aunt and Uncle
Learn to paint
Well till next time..
Have a Great week all!
Friday, May 14, 2010
1.) I've always wondered what would make me gain weight...I've found it!! It's called getting married...I think I've gained about 20lb a year...ugh...time to start getting on this whole weight thing!
2.) I need a hobby!...Blogging is fun but I've never REALLY tried something new...what to start?!
3.) When I get a chance to I like watching all the cake making shows on TV...WOW! I want one....
well that's about all I have for today..LOL till next time to keep my story going :)
Have a Great Weekend Everyone!
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
1.)Rain makes me crazy...I feel like I'm all over the place.
2.)I Love Lucy!...Need I say More?! :)
3.)My husband and I where talking about getting a Dog....But I'm not sure if my Boy Cat(who's the queen of the WORLD,so he thinks) would like it much...
4.)My husband FINALLY got a job!!! woot!
5.) As you know its been super busy in my life lately...So I'm going to start getting back to the roots of my life....The whole reason I started this Blog was because I don't feel I have what it takes (money) to start my own book...SO I decided to do it on a blog...Hope you enjoy :)
As I said in my past blogs I come from a very large Family 10 that is...Yup 5 Boys,3 Girls...and Yes all from the same parents :)
We lived a very good life,but looking back now I see it was a very odd life too...We where all home schooled which I think only added to the oddness of our family (sad to say)...My mother like to live like we where still in the Little House on the Prairie times (no joke)...I remember my mom saying things like "Why can't you guys been nice to each other like they are on the little house on the prairie?"...I don't really think we where that bad when it came to fighting with each other(not any more then other "normal" kids)...if you where someone from the outside looking in,you would thing like many people."wow what a great family life"...but if only people knew...
I guess that's why I've lost so many friends & family over the last 3 years...when my parents started their divorce ALL the "dirty laundry" (as people say) started to show...I really think it started to make people think twice about everything my mom said and started to think we (all but mom) where just very ungreatfull,See my mom was the person that if you had a problem my mom thought(as did others) she had ALL the answers,so for her family of all family's to be in the middle of divorce was unheard of!.
To Be Continued...
Friday, April 30, 2010
2.) I miss blogging there are some many things I want to get out and on paper(blog)..
3.) Have a very stress full event coming up and not to sure what I should do about it..Ugh..Life sometimes!
4.) Have you ever wanted something that you know you can't have? I'm still trying to fund a way to get my something I can't have...
5.) I've been watching 7th Heaven the last couple days..Love and that show...We so need more good family/God shows like that on TV now a days...brings back the days of being a kid :)..
Well Have a GREAT weekend everyone!
Hope to see you all soon :)
Friday, April 23, 2010
Boy did it hurt....I can't wait to upload some pictures for you all...
2.)I FINALLY found out why I have been so stressed out so much these last 2 years...
It's been a huge change to know about it..
3.)I'm so excited but can't believe it too..In a couple short months me and my husband will have been married for 5 years...man time flies...so much has changed in our lives and boy have we learned a LOT!
Love you Honey!
Have a Great Weekend Everyone!
Till next week! :)
So Sorry I haven't been able to write on my blog these last couple week/days Life is getting kinda crazy for me right now..
Friday, April 16, 2010
I feel like I'm running a mile a min but still getting nowhere...I always use
to think that when you get older your life slows down...
Ive been dealing with my husband being in and out of job,working all 3 of my jobs and still finding time for us..life goes by so fast I can't keep up!!
Happy Friday Everyone! :)
Monday, April 12, 2010
Friday, April 9, 2010
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -- EVER!!!
15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail.
What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
18. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day, "Mom, what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
19. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
20. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
21. And finally...Have you ever wondered if that dollar bill your holding has ever been in a strippers butt crack? You are now...
Have a Great Weekend Everyone!!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
One of Kristin's close friends posted a very touching message in the Guestbook where she described a family tradition of anonymously treating a stranger to a meal, and goes on to talk about doing the same thing this Saturday night, albeit with a different twist. This weekend, when she and her family anonymously treat another family to dinner, they will leave the following note:
My dear friend Kristin was supposed to be celebrating this weekend. This was a brand new start to the next chapter of her life.
Today, Kristin lies in her hospital bed. She is has been asleep for the better part of the past two weeks - and doesn’t know of the life-changing events that have recently taken place. Kristin is fighting for her life. She has undergone the amputation of her right leg, and part of her left foot. Her body is fighting to regain function in her kidneys.
She needs prayers. From you - from me - and from as many people as we can reach. Thank you for allowing us to treat you to a meal in Kristin’s honor. Please “pay it forward” from here... share her story with as many as you can. Our goal is for thousands of people around the world to pray for Kristin on her CaringBridge site. When she wakes up sometime in the near future we would love for her sadness to be short-lived - and to feel the amazing Glory of God.
Consider this a treat from Kristin. Please share a laugh, many smiles, and this story today - with as many people as you possibly can.
Please join us as we do this - you can do the same on a smaller level with treating someone to a coffee - or at a fast food restaurant as well... or be creative and add your own twist!
He sucks you in the book right from chapter 1,
Good luck getting your face out of any of his books :)
VERY easy read...Not good for the 13 and under crowed though...
He can be a little bloody...he does a great job of putting God in the stores..
I like to think of it as the modern day "Lion and the witch" books...
Go get your book today and enjoy!
Monday, April 5, 2010
Well that's how my life has been for the last 2 1/2 years.
I never thought that having your parents divorce could be so much MORE then divorce...We really find out who your friends are and who is really there for you and not to tell you your on the wrong side of God...Things like,"You should never pick sides"(but in the same breath of air)"now go back to your mom and make things better"....Yes I couldn't tell you how many times my "friends" told me I was to blame for something my parents did...It's so sad how people think they know whats going on in your life...My biggest thing was,Why was/is it my deal to try and make something that will never be the same again,better?
To back up a little...
My mom and I have NEVER gotten along,Not cause I didn't like to do what I was told,but just cause she never thought I did anything right.I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,but as far back as I can remember(age 4)it's been that way and I felt it....well that little bit of info will help you understand how,when my parents split up,it made it so EASY for a mother to tell one of her own children to go away and NEVER come back(yes that was me)...Now I'm not a mother but I don't think my child could do ANYTHING so bad that I would say something like that..But again I'm not a mother so maybe I'm wrong!....(I would love your input on this)...
Now with that said how does anyone really think I of all people could ever talk to my mom and mend their divorce??
Oh and the reason my mom told me to leave and never come back was cause I would answer the phone when my dad would call me...so she thought I was "siding" with him (as a child can you really pick from one parent to another?)...But did she ever ask why he called me so much? No! But in case she someday see this blog....It was because I was talking him down from killing himself every other day...
So to anyone going through life with a little/lot of stress,just remember your really the only one that knows what's going on,So live your life if you know your in the right!...And Never Judge unless God has put you in his place for the time being....
Hope you all have a great day!
Friday, April 2, 2010
2.) See I don't even have RANDOM things in my head....LOL
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Well that's why I started this New Blog...
It is a Prayer Request blog...
GO HERE and enter a prayer request for you or someone you know and lets help each other through our hard times..
Have a Great Thursday Everyone :)
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
When I first read this book I read it in 3 hours,Then closed the book and started it over again (I've NEVER done that before)....Gene Stratton-Porter is a GREAT writer,I love all of Gene's books....I hope you get a chance to read it and then you'll see what I mean :)
Have a Great Hump Day Everyone!!
Monday, March 29, 2010
It has just about everything....you look for something like say food then they will give you tons of different places that have coupon codes .....That's where I got the code for Restaurants.com
Hug Savings are awaiting you :)
Have a blast and a great night all!!
Friday, March 26, 2010
Have a great weekend everyone!!!
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
My First BOOK!!
Wow what a GREAT read...If you happen to be going through a hard time in your life,have questions about life,God,your faith..This book is for you!
It's a very easy read,sometimes he likes to write a little to much about the landscape,But no matter what if you only read 1 book in your whole life this should be the 1....
If you have read The Shack feel free to leave you thoughts :)
Happy Hump Day Everyone!
Monday, March 22, 2010
I guess I'll start back in June of 2009...
It was a beautiful summer morning on June 16th 2009,My husband and I got off work at about 3:30ish and decided since it was such great weather out we would go on a motorcycle ride.Our destination was to his parents house to bring them to dinner being his fathers 55th birthday was the next day...We have a great time that day and ride couldn't have been better.After the ride and dinner we said our good-byes we where on our way back to the reality of life and work for the next day....
The next morning everyone in the world started their day as they do every Wednesday.The weather was beautiful again,nice quite morning that turned into the afternoon....
That's when it all happened!...
11:45pm My husband calls me and says (all in one breath) "Honey I'm on the way to the hospital,my dad just stopped breathing,I'll call you when I get more info,meet me at the hospital as soon as you can" Then hung up the phone so he could drive(come to find out later because he was driving a 100 down the freeway)...
12:15pm I arrive at the hospital, My husband and his mother crying as the doctor tells them everything that has just happened...
Doctor: Well he is stable now but its gonna be a long road,He is young though so he should pull out of this pretty good as we see it now.He did have a heart-attack.The EMT had to shock him 10 times just to get his heart to start again.
(meaning he was legally dead for about 30 minutes,as we found out later),
About half way through it all on of the Doctors stopped by one day and informed us that "there is absolutely no reason why he should be alive today after what he went through,I have been a Doctor for heart-attack patient's for many years now and only 3 of them came out of the same type of situation,Your father is my number 3,This man is here for a reason and this was miracle!"...
Well needless to said many nights,days,family visits and TONS of prayer later..
He is now back at home,work and the everyday activities..He is doing GREAT!
Having that happen has given many of us family members,friends and even the Doctors and nurses a whole new look on life...Never take life for granite! Live EVERY day is if it's your last...Say I LOVE YOU often!
Well I hope you see this blog as a blessing to God cause having this miracle happen to us. That's how we see it...That's what I call ANSWERED PRAYERS! :)
GOD IS GOOD!
BLESSINGS TO YOU ALL!!
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Saturday, March 20, 2010
Friday, March 19, 2010
Have a great Friday Everyone! :)
1.) I kinda feel overwhelmed with life at times(as I'm sure we all do).So last night I wrote down 39 things I'm stressed about right now...Ugh!
2.) I don't know about you but There's just something about JUDGING that makes my skin crawl...I know we're all going to do it now and then being we're human, but have YOU ever walked up to someone and told them to their face,they where in the wrong (when you weren't in the situation your now judging them for being wrong in)??
Well over the last 2 years or so I have had SEVERAL people do just THAT!
I think the wost part about being in that situation is,what do you say to that?!!....
3.) I love the smell of spring and it's almost here...but the waiting for it just kills...
Well till next time my friends,
Happy Random Friday! :)
Thursday, March 18, 2010
I love my weekends,It always end up being that I spend most of it with all my siblings...Bonfires,B-B-Qs,Scrapbook and anything else we can come up with...The last 2 1/2 years have been pretty hard for me and my family so it's nice to finally be back together!...
Two back up a little my parents got a divorce 2 1/2 years ago from being married 30+ years & 8 children later...So needless to say Yes it was hard...Being through that with my family has really shown me that it doesn't matter how old you are when your parents split it still hurts weather adult or child....I will never wish divorce on anyone...And Hugs to all you who have had to go through it...
Blessing to you all!! :)
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
Happy Monday to you all!!
If you DO want to read many more NOT ME MONDAY posts go Here
His name is Turbo,His 2 1/2 and I'm not sure what breed but I can honestly say He is the BEST cat in the world!! Some day I'll post a link of him in YouTube so everyone can see what the day and a life of Turbo would be like :)
Yes he is my baby!!
Even at the small age of 10 that's how I would feel all the time...
Life for the most part was good but like I said before, coming from a large family comes with it's ups and downs....As the oldest girl life was a little more over whelming then I realized,it wasn't till years later that I understood it wasn't always in your head...
One of the hardest things in my life was the schooling! Yes I did say I loved being home-schooled, but as you will see now and then in my upcoming blogs I didn't really have the best education....I don't blame anyone because some times people don't really know anything different or even that my life at the time was in their hands as much as I was....I know this doesn't make scene to you moms but I will TRY my hardest to help you understand what I'm talking about in more blogs to come!
But for now happy Monday!
PLEASE vote cause this will help with future blogs! :)
Friday, March 12, 2010
I always loved Fridays when I was little, Fridays ment "One more day till we got cereal!!"
Yup that's right every morning for breakfast we would have to pick from Oat-meal or malt-o-meal, so by the time Saturday came around it was crazy time...If you were the last one out of bed there was NO way you were getting anything....Course now that I have my own rules I was cereal just about everyday :) I love being grown-up(kinda)..LOL
The other great thing about Fridays was MOVIE night!! but this was ony super cool if you were 13 or older,cause that ment you got to watch a PG-13 movie with mom & dad...yup thoes where the days :)
Oh to have the simple days now and then...yes to all you young readers it is fun to be "all grown-up" but what us adults wouldn't give to have a simple day again....You know like a NAP.....yeah the naps I cryed about cause I didn't want them....I now cry about cause I CAN'T have just one...LOL
Well hope you have a great weekend and if your eating cereal Saturday, ENJOY!! :)
Thursday, March 11, 2010
I guess I'll go back to who I am and all that :)
I'm the 3rd oldest of 8 children (yes we are all from the same parents), There are 5 boys and 3 girls (I'm the oldest girl)...We have all been home-schooled our whole life's.My dad comes from a large family,Mom comes from a family of 3 kids.I got along with all my sidling,with the now and then fights as kids always seem to get into.We all helped out with the homeschooling and cleaning as my mom was often out of the house do to being an in home mid-wife for other homeschooling family's..Dad always had 2-3 jobs at a time just to keep food in ALL ours mouths.I love being from a large family.One of my favorite things about it,Is everytime we had a meal it was like thanksgiving dinner...That's something I think I will always miss..
Well till next time..
Have a great thursday everyone!