Monday, April 5, 2010

Opening my heart

Have you ever felt so stressed out you can't breath?!
Well that's how my life has been for the last 2 1/2 years.
I never thought that having your parents divorce could be so much MORE then divorce...We really find out who your friends are and who is really there for you and not to tell you your on the wrong side of God...Things like,"You should never pick sides"(but in the same breath of air)"now go back to your mom and make things better"....Yes I couldn't tell you how many times my "friends" told me I was to blame for something my parents did...It's so sad how people think they know whats going on in your life...My biggest thing was,Why was/is it my deal to try and make something that will never be the same again,better?

To back up a little...
My mom and I have NEVER gotten along,Not cause I didn't like to do what I was told,but just cause she never thought I did anything right.I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,but as far back as I can remember(age 4)it's been that way and I felt it....well that little bit of info will help you understand how,when my parents split up,it made it so EASY for a mother to tell one of her own children to go away and NEVER come back(yes that was me)...Now I'm not a mother but I don't think my child could do ANYTHING so bad that I would say something like that..But again I'm not a mother so maybe I'm wrong!....(I would love your input on this)...
Now with that said how does anyone really think I of all people could ever talk to my mom and mend their divorce??

Oh and the reason my mom told me to leave and never come back was cause I would answer the phone when my dad would call she thought I was "siding" with him (as a child can you really pick from one parent to another?)...But did she ever ask why he called me so much? No! But in case she someday see this blog....It was because I was talking him down from killing himself every other day...

So to anyone going through life with a little/lot of stress,just remember your really the only one that knows what's going on,So live your life if you know your in the right!...And Never Judge unless God has put you in his place for the time being....

Hope you all have a great day!

1 comment:

  1. Ouch. So sorry you're having to deal with this type of heartache. I don't understand why somethings like this happen and how mom's can be so cruel at times. I'm so fortunate to have a great mom but my mom's mom was so verbally/psychologically/emotionally abusive it's only by God's grace that she turned out so wonderful. Hope that things start going better for you!